The year I was 24 began with brunch and ended with birthday cake in a bar. There was a lot of dancing and a lot of love, and it poured into the rest of my year.
The year I was 24 was truly a year of realization. It was a year of fresh starts and new beginnings. Hellos and goodbyes. The most significant of which was my car. Mitsy the Mitsubishi; my ticket to freedom; the reason I was able to fully commit to a life in Virginia Beach. She drove me out of a bad situation and into a beautiful one. And then, we got hit while sitting at a red light… hello Trixie the Tacoma. My American Dream truck. When I was 24, that dream became a reality.
At 24, I realized that feeling both joy and pain can be true. That no matter how genuinely happy I may be, five years of pain does not just go away. Masked behind laughter and a matter-of-factness, I carried the weight of being raped; of everything that it has meant for my life over the last five years. And finally, at 24, I allowed myself to feel it – every inch of the fear, shame, hurt, and sadness. I allowed myself to break open and realized that only when we are vulnerable can we begin to let the darkness out and let the light in.
I fell into a summer love when I was 24. A Greek god who spoke German. It was gentle, sexy, and blissful until it got real. I was blindsided when he walked away. The love I felt for him was strong but I quickly moved on. The depth of my love still lay with someone else.
There is so much I could write, so much I could say, but I’ll leave it at this: To the brown haired, blue eyed, Harvard volleyball player – thank you for being a part of my 24th year. For seeing my brave when I couldn’t. For honoring every inch of my body. For sobering up and showing up that Saturday night. For teaching me what it means to love and let go. You have witnessed some of the most unedited pieces of me and for that I am so greatful. You are not, and never will be, the villain in my story.
The year I was 24, I finally left the country after a pandemic hiatus. I remembered what it’s like to navigate a new bus system and reveled in the excitement of being in a new city. I traveled around the U.S too. Nashville for New Years, Greenville, Myrtle Beach, Asheville, Fargo, Minneapolis, going home to WI, camping in North Carolina, Philadelphia, DC, Alaska. So many new places and so much fun.
At 24, I realized that I’ve been playing it safe; becoming more cautious and a little more reserved. So, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I learned about investing. I took a pottery class and a country two-step class. I joined a walking group. I went to run clubs and yoga classes, and of course, I climbed. I tackled my shit by keeping busy and trying new things. A relatively healthy coping mechanism. I made a point to talk to new people and put myself in situations where I didn’t know anyone.
The year I was 24, It really hit me that being in your twenties is tough. Forget about the Hollywood portrayal, this shit is HARD. But, it’s also magic. It’s crying one minute and dancing until 2am the next. It’s heartbreaks and hearts beating fast. It is mundane and ordinary yet riveting and sparkling. Hollow and whole. Full of confusion and chaos and beauty and light.
So, if you need me, I’ll be over here trying to embrace it all. Here’s to 25 and another year of feeling everything and doing my best. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Hugs,
Elisabeth
