The year I was 23 was a climb. Endurance and strength. Remembering to stop, rest, breathe, and enjoy the view. I climbed with the safety of a rope, woven with the love, shared experience, and understanding of incredible friends and family.
The year I was 23 started with a kiss… and oh what a foreshadow that was. Love, sex, and heartbreak danced through my life like never before; taking my hand and spinning me around until I didn’t know which way was up and which was down.
My 23rd year brought me my first boyfriend and first breakup. From April to September, I gave him my entire heart, for I don’t know how to love small. The hurt from the breakup was short lived, however. The greatest heartbreak of my 23rd year came from someone else.
Because the year I was 23, a brown-haired, blue eyed, Harvard Volleyball player took a knife to my heart. He was an unexpected best friend. Opposites in many ways but our connection thrived on the balance we brought each other. The easy emotional intimacy was unmatched. Words. Laughter. Comfortable silence. A kiss that changed everything. I had never felt safer; more seen, in someone’s presence. When it all came crashing down, we fought for each other; for a friendship that worked for both of us. Comforting yet cruel, we are still in this process.
The year I was 23, I spent a lot of time outside. I found comfort in the sound of the ocean and the breeze on my face. I went on my first outdoor climbing trip and felt strong, empowered, and feminine as I pulled myself up by the strength of my toes and fingertips. I went on 5 or six climbing trips the year I was 23, each one teaching me something new about my body and mind.
When I was 23, I battled my mind. Depression and intrusive thoughts raged in the beginning. But, I learned to *mostly* tame those monsters. To heal is to embrace, to feel, to let go. Medication and therapy became a lifeline, as were the people who have walked this journey with me from the beginning.
The year I was 23, I felt like I was truly starting my career. I wore cute business casual clothes, made a lot of mistakes, and learned so much from an incredible boss. I started to dream about where my work could take me and I was blessed to have a work-life balance that allowed for adventures, friends, and coffee shop conversations.
When I was 23, I realized that I made it. I made it in this city. I got emotional every time I drove on bridges over the water – especially at sunset.
Because the year I was 23, I lived the life that high school/college Elisabeth always dreamed of. I had that cute dress wearing-girl boss-downtown job. I went on frequent weekend adventures, spent a lot of time at the ocean, and came home to a cozy apartment. And I was surrounded by love. So much love. Romantic love, passing love, best friend love, new friend love. I was filled with it, overflowed with it, and I never had to earn it. The community I’ve created for myself here is the greatest blessing I’ve ever experienced.
As I go into 24, I carry that love with me, even the love that passed me by. For, the love and the lessons have shaped me, carrying me into a new chapter of empowerment and grace.
Now…it’s time to dance into another year. Here’s to 24!
Hugs,
Elisabeth
