Sometimes love leaves and we don’t know why. We don’t get an explanation. We don’t get closure. We just have to move on.
He felt like sunshine and electricity. I was hooked from the first kiss; making out in the parking garage entrance. Have you ever had someone push you against the wall of a glass elevator? One where everyone can see you but you’re too in love to care? I have. It’s electrifying; the kind of magic you only see in movies. But that elevator was going down, I just didn’t know it at the time.
I’ve spent the past few months in a heartbroken human state. Wondering where it all went wrong. How many times he told me he loved me when he didn’t mean it. Wanting answers I’ll probably never get. But, I’ve also spent it in a healing human state. He may have felt like sunshine, but I am, and always have been, my own damn sun.
As the heartbreak has subsided, a canvas of possibility has been left in its wake. Call it fate, the universe, God, but this breakup has been a catalyst for brushstrokes in my life that I had only dreamed of previously. Suddenly, there is space for so much more and I’m ready to dust myself off, put on some red lipstick, and embrace it.
It’s incredibly cliche but the new year will be the begining of a new chapter in my life. Come January, I’ll be moved in with my best friend (and her dog!) and will be living closer to some of my favorite places. Yoga classes, 6am bouldering sessions, and the run club I’ve been wanting to join will be 5 minutes from my house, not 20. The pottery stuido with classes I’ve been eyeing for the last year, only 7 minutes, and the sailing classes I’ve been dying to sign up for, only 10.
I’m excited about all of the things I might learn and people I might meet. I can’t wait for all of my upcoming travel plans. I’m ready to sparkle again, to cultivate relationships, and read books, and cook new dishes. To write and to feel, and for all of the new music that will come our way. To climb walls and run roads.
As my tunnel of deep heartache comes to an end, I’m ready to feel the sunshine on my face and feed the sunshine in my life. I may not have closure but I do have hope, red lipstick, and a little bit of shimmer in my step. And that is enough for me.
Hugs,
Elisabeth
